In Need of Margins

Well, 'B' says I am in need of some bigger margins in my life. I am living on the edge 'stress-wise' and need to create some breathing room. If I were a page and stress was depicted in words they would be filling the space and running off the edge of the paper. If I were water I would be at the 'just before boiling' point all the time ... it doesn't take much heat at all to start me really bubbling! I totally see this - little things that the kids do exasperate me when I should probably just be smiling about 'em. Mole hills feel like mountains. Just getting up in the morning takes all my energy for the day and I am left 'spent' before getting anything accomplished.

SO:

'B' gave me some relaxing exercises to do: Its called
"self-soothing with the senses". When I feel things are getting a bit too much (and I must be paying attention and catch the signs early!!) I need to stop and 'check in' with myself. Take a quick look at what is happening around me and in me and acknowledge it. I need to guage my stress level out of 10. Then I need to pick a sense and focus on it for 5 minutes. So, if I pick hearing it would look like this:
close my eyes and focus on what I can hear. Pick out all the individual sounds and talk to myself about them. Right now I can hear the keys clicking as I type these words. Its very rythmic. I hear a fan blowing in Journey's room and plastic flapping occasionally as the wind from the fan hits it. Etc. If I pick sight it might look like this: There is a floor lamp in the corner, it has a dark stand and a burgandy shade. It stands out against the gray of the drywall behind it. There is a white window beside the lamp and I can see a brown cardboard box through it. I see green trees and the stone base of our neighbors house. I see white curtains with frilly lace edging. I see a blue Jeldwen sticker on the window that is peeling off in one corner. I see the tvek wrap by the edge of the window - it is yellow with an orange trim. Etc, etc. This may seem silly but it actually works! 'B' says it works because it forces me to use the other side of my brain. The side that thinks and stresses about things is left behind. I cannot operate out of both sides at once. I can bounce back and forth quickly but the more intentional and thorough I am with the exercise the easier it will become to stay in the 'good' side. The peaceful side. After about 5 minutes of this I check back in with where my stress is at on a scale of 1 to 10. If it is low enough for me to move on with my day great! But if it could stand to be lower I just do the exercise again.
Maybe picking a new sense.

This will help me calm down when I feel I'm about to fall off the edge of the page. But in order to not get so close to the edge in the first place I have to make some more changes in my schedule. I will have to be very intentional about getting rest when I need it (before I 'Feel' I need it!). I will have to make sure I am not over booking myself and be firm with those boundaries. 'B' says I have to put my recovery first right now in order to gain traction and really 'kick this thing'. She says this stage of recovery is very stressful and takes a lot of energy and I need to limit the other activities and stresses in my life if I want to be succesfull.

So if I don't answer the phone or come to the door (even though you know I'm home cause you can see my car or hear the kids playing), or if you don't see me in church or I pass on an invitation to come over ... please don't take it personally. I AM avoiding you (: but not cause I don't like you or WANT to see you. Its just that it would be more helpful to my recovery to retreat and rest at this time.
Of course I still love hearing encouraging messages on my phone or reading them on the blog or in email/facebook. Its not that you can't reach out at all. Its just that those methods are ones that I will be able to digest safely right now. I thank you all in advance for your patience and understanding.