Early Morning, Softening Spirit

Unexpectedly, I had to drive Edgar to Edmonton to catch the train today. I was 'expecting' to have Amanda take him tonight but then he rechecked his ticket and found out it was for 7am today and not 7am tomorrow! So, we left at 3:15 am and made it in plenty of time. No deer, no nodding off behind the wheel. After dropping him at the train station I had the long ride home alone. Well, not exactly alone ... God reached out to me through the music I had playing. A little Bob Dylan to start and then a cd of a variety of Christian artists. One song in particular stood out. It is titled "Held" by Natalie Grant and the lyrics were as follows:

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no
sudden healing
to think that providence would
take a child from
his mother while she prays
is appalling

who told us we'd be rescued
what has changed
and why should we be saved
from the nightmares
we're asking why this happens
to us who have died to live
its unfair

**Chorus:
This is what it means to be held
how it feels
when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive
This is what it is to be loved
and to know
that the promise was when everthing fell
we'd be held

This hand is bitterness
we want to taste it
let the hatred numb our sorrow
the wise hand opens slowly to
lilies of the valley and
tomorrow

**chorus

if hope is born of suffering
if this is only the beginning
can we not wait for one hour
watching for our savior?

This is what it means to be held
how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive

This is what it is to be loved
and to know that the promise was
when everything fails
we'll be held

we'll be held

This is what it means to be loved and to know
that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held

This is what it means to be held.

The words and music washed over me and I felt the brackish edges of my wounded heart softening. I know I love my God. Not only inspite of what happened to me ... but someday even because of what He trusted me to walk with Him through. My willfulness is waning and I sense my spirit thawing ... if even just a little. I know the process is ongoing. But I know I wont give up on it.

thank you Dad,. You knew I needed to feel you today.