I rolled over in bed this morning and there, lying between me and my Garron was, yes, you guessed it ... Ed. He told me to keep my distance from Garron ... warned me that if I let Garron touch me he would discover how much I'd gained and would be not only alarmed, but disgusted. Though it took all my power I am pleased to announce that I decided to punch Ed right in the face ... and snuggled up close to my REAL sweetheart. Fear remained, and I had to battle to stay in Garron's embrace, but I DID it. And much to my comfort, he didn't seem disgusted by my presence at all.
Ed wants to keep a physical distance between me and Garron so today, in order to be in recovery, I need to tell Garron that I will need lots of hugs and cuddles.
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Amy- I wrote this a while back. I was trying to "feel" God's arms around me. He was there with me and also needing a friend who I could "physically" feel....This came out of that time of hurt.
ReplyDeleteHelp Me Hold Me
Help me, I’m scared
If I let what is in out
All around me will run in shame
They will see my sin
The hurts, pride, pain.
They will know I cant really be
The person they see.
So, will you hold me?
Let my mask melt away.
Will it be ok if my outer lay melts too?
When it’s all gone
Do you still see me
Or is it something evil you see?
While you hold me
Will you hold me tight?
Hold me so close
I can feel your very breath.
Will you hold me
And never, ever let me go?
Am I worthy of that Love?
4-3-09
Hey Amy, just read up on your blogs and am proud of you and anxiously awaiting to read more! I love that you are starting this blog and know I will learn and heal from it as well. Please when you are done the inital couselling start your own here and I will attend!! :)
ReplyDeletelove you!!
"Fear not, for I am with you;
ReplyDeleteBe not dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". Isaiah 41:10
When I read this verse, it gave me a sense of comfort - that I do not have to face this alone. To me this scripture shows He provides you the strength to see you through your challenges. He brings people in your life just when you need them (they could be total strangers too). Just know you are never alone, He is always there for you - And so am I Amy. Proud of you Amer - Love you Amy. Such rewards you will receive once your journey to get rid of Ed is complete.