Looks like today may be one of those days where I'll need to post often to keep Ed at bay. He is loud and obnoxious this morning ... trying to punish me for disobeying last night. Wants to make sure I don't fight him so much next time.
Wants to reel me back in and remind me how much I need his guidance and protection and 'comfort'. Even my yoga pants are rolling down at the waist line cause my belly is getting so big ... If I could walk around all day in a long t-shirt and undies I think I would actually be MORE comfortable than wearing these pants and knowing I am growing even too big for THEM, stretchy as they are.
I'm irritated and jumpy inside. Just want to climb back in bed and pretend I don't exist. Problem is I DO exist and am growing daily (or so it seems). My counsellor says that Ed and my Body Dismorphic Disorder don't allow me to see myself accurately. That it is as if I am looking at my body through fun house mirrors. And while I believe that to be somewhat true ... I can't seem to find a way around the fact that my clothes really are getting tighter ... I don't have to LOOK at anything to know that. Could the BD disorder make me FEEL things inaccurately?
Garron just called to ask if he could pray for me. I broke into tears at the sound of his voice and his offer. It was perfect timing. I am in awe of our God and how much he cares for one such as I.
Deep breath. Gotta go make the kids their morning snack.
I'm sure I'll be back later.
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