Its been so long since I last posted ... there's too much to fill you in on. So I'll just start with where I'm at today.
I feel like I'm drifting - drifting through my days without a direction or purpose or any energy to change that.
Last night I had to call Garron while I was making supper cuz Ed was telling me to just go numb myself with some comfort food instead of waiting for the more healthy and balanced meal I was even then preparing. A lot of outside stressors have entered my life in the past two weeks. Our new international student arrived for one. That is always very stressful for me as I want to make them feel comfortable and 'at home' here. (but feel totally helpless and incapable of doing) Also, the state of our 'under renovations' home has me feeling awkward and unworthy of having anyone stay with us. Specially someone who clearly comes from 'money' and would otherwise never find themselves in such a humble state.
Another big stress is a confusing and concerning situation at church. One that has us wondering if we should be staying there. My spirit is heavy and questioning. I had felt a certain stability growing for our family at this church but this situation has definitely thrown us into a sea of doubt again.
Ed is so skilled at turning all these things into reasons to hate myself. Reasons to throw out 'recovery' and indulge in numbing and detachment practises.
I'm trying to stay on track. But I could really use some prayer right now.
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Dear God I know when I have seen dark uncertain times, you sent people into my life to give me that hug or shoulder (or both)- you used them to let me know you You care for me. Lord, you know the struggles that Amy is feeling right now - we know there is light at the end of the tunnell for the current renovations - give Amy the peace that she can enter her warm and loving home with a smile as she sees a room design in her mind become a reality. It has been cool to watch Garron's gifts in trades bring forth an idea Amy had.
ReplyDeleteI pray that you give Amy and Garron your guidance and encouragement on where they are to go so their growth with you is not sidetracked. I know you put people in my life to speak my concerns and frustrations when facing a situation at my former church. I ask that you can do the same for Amy and Garron.
I ask these requests in your Son's name. Amen
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Hey Amy - a cyber-hug is heading your way - even with my crazy schedule - know I am here for you (and Garron too) - I am only a phone call or an hr and change drive away - just holler. I will keep you in my prayers Amy.
Love you.
Have prayed and will be remembering you throughout the day. May you walk in victory today, and may Garron have supernatural strength to be the support you need.
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